diehardreaper | (no subject)

[ Did he really deserve this? Did he deserve either of them at all? There was a small nagging voice at the back of his head that quietly chastised him for what he did but he was willing to shove it aside for now. Ignore the nagging and possible self-flagellation. He wanted this. He honestly and truly wanted this.

So the reaper leaned in, sliding his arm back around Watanuki to pull him close into a soft kiss. His eyes closed -- no, he shut them tightly as he deepened the kiss a moment. It took Ronald a moment to pull away, kissing him repeatedly, eagerly, keeping those kisses warm and soft. Never too wanting. He was never a man who prayed but silently he did to whoever was watching over him, malign or benign, to let him have this. Just this. He would never want for anything again if he was allowed to have this. ]

[ He had gotten what he asked for. He moved and pulled on Ronald so that they were both lying in bed, and he returned those kisses with his own eagerness. His heart was pounding. This was what he wanted. It scared him, to think he would never have it again. He didn't know when he had gotten so deep into this. He had fallen for a man who also loved somebody else. Was that his destiny? To always be left wanting To have to share an existence with somebody else? It... hurt. ]

[ His fingers moved to clutch at Ron's shirt, as if it would keep him adhered in place so that he could never leave. His heart felt as if it ould give out on him. ]

[ But he kept kissing, almost desperate. He didn't know when he started rying in the middle of it all, but he did. He ingored the tears. He didn't want Ron to stop. ]

[ It was clear this was something they both wanted. As he moved an arm around the other god, he pulled him closer to deepen those kissed before lightly breaking away. He only did it to refocus his attention over his cheek, his jaw, the curve of his neck, the little intimate places only he could kiss. He wasn't doing this to satiate list or any primal need. It was the intimacy he craved. The reaper wanted him. Wanted to hold him.

He forced down that lump in his throat as he took one hand, pressing a kiss to his knuckles and turning to nuzzle his cheek against his palm.

He turned his head to press a kiss to that palm before looking up, meeting his eyes and reaching to brush a tear from his cheek. ]

Kimihiro...

[ He moved Ronald's hand away from his face. He pulled it back down so the blond was holding his waist again. ]

...Ron-san... [ He initiated another kiss, his hands rubbing along Ronald's chest. ]

No tears, love... m'here...

[ That assurance was murmured out, not wanting to raise his voice above a whisper. But he held him closer, holding him against his chest as he deepened it eagerly.

Another heated kiss, soft, wanting, needy, desperate. They were all these. He couldn't stop. He didn't want to. And he held to him tighter because he knew if he would be wrenched away from this soul, his world would crumble. ]

[ He hummed into Ron's mouth at the kiss. He suddenly felt hot in his clothing. He pulled away, looking to the side. ]

Mm--wait...

[ Whereas last time, Ronald had been asked to stop, Watanuki reached up, tugging at the folded collar of his kimono. He sat up, shifting, nudging Ron off of his side and onto his back. He sat and straddled him, before pulling the rest of the kimono off at his chest. The fabric hung off of his elbows, but he was completely exposed from the neck down. His soft pink nipples were slowly getting hard as he adjusted himself against Ron's hips. ]

I was... [ He murmured. ] ...Getting hot... [ Maybe in more than one way. ]

Yeah, I'd wager you were...

[ More than one way, definitely. But the reaper did appreciate the view. He leaned back against the sheets, subconsciously licking his lips like he had been presented a meal for his consumption.

He did manage the smallest smirk as he reached up, fingers carding through Watanuki's hair before slipping his fingertips lower to trace his jaw and slide slowly down his chest. A shuddering breath escaped his lips as he slid an arm around him to pull him close. ]

C'mere, you...

[ He drew him closer, easing the other god to lie over him as he pulled him into another soft warm kiss. His lips parted easily, his hand moving down his back and lightly slipping down his chest as he turned his head to deepen the kiss. ]

[ He made small noises when Ron's hand slid down his chest. He broke the kiss for a moment. ]

...My chest is sensitive... [ He murmured, face flushing. ] It...

...Feels good... when you touch me there.

[ The reaper pressed another kiss to the curve of his jaw, his hand sliding back up to trail over his stomach. His eyes closed as he breathed in that familiar scent, that warm flesh pressed against him as he continued to kiss down his throat and neck. He had to admit, this was every bit as addicting as he remembered it. ]

S'that right...? Didn't think you were the sort...

[ His hand continued to move higher, pressing against his chest and allowing his fingertips to trace that soft skin and brush lightly against a nipple almost exprimentally. ]

[ The soft pink nub of flesh under Ron's fingers was plush. But at the attention, it was steady growing hard. Watanuki let out a faint pant. ]

I'm sorry... [ He mumbled, shy. ] I just...

I just want you to touch me everywhere... I want to be...

Reassured that maybe... you want me...

[ He pressed another kiss to his throat, palm tracing his chest with the barest ghosting touch over that nub and the soft flesh against his thumb. The reaper let out another breath as he nuzled himself closer. ]

Course I want you.

[ Eyes closing as he brushed his lips further over his collarbone, unable to help the smallest smile that came to him. ]

Every bloody time we've ended up like this... course I want you.

[ He slid Ronald's hands inside of him kimono, so that it was resting on his waist. He sat up again, still straddling... before giving the other a slow roll of his hips on top of him. ]

...Then you should take me. [ He whispered. And there was another shift on top of Ron, against his lower regions. ] ...Don't you want to take me...?

[ There was a short breath that escaped him, shuddering as he pressed his lips against his throat again. He allowed his fingers to trace his hip, lightly nuzzling against the curve of his neck.

Another breath escaped him as he nuzzled his cheek. ]

I want to but...

[ Whispered. Reluctant. Voice shaking as his words slipped out. ]

Bit fast though, don't you think...?

[ And his hand moved back only to slip an arm around his waist to hold him closer and bury his face against his shoulder instead. Please don't try to throw him out again... ]

Don't want to get you into anything you'd regret, sweetheart.... m'sorry...

O-oh. [ He just laid there... feeling like... an idiot. Of course. Of course he wouldn't... want to do that with him. Not when he had someone as handsome as Yukio to be with. That's right. ]

[ For a split second, he had forgotten that Ron also wanted... someone else. Someone that was not him. ]

[ He was silent as he slid off of him, at his side and onto the bed. His stomach hurt, like it had suddenly gained a gaping hole. He turned so he wasn't facing him. ]

Right.

[ He hesitated a moment, reaching out and pressing himself against the other's back. His eyes closed, nuzzling against his hair and moving his arm around the other god's waist. ]

M'not... m'not saying I don't want to...

[ And he could barely choke the words out. Gods, what was he doing? But he hugged him tighter, eyes half lidded as he nuzzled his shoulder. ]

'Least look at me...

[ Watanuki sat up suddenly. He used both hands to shove Ron, pushing, shoving, until the other fell out of his bed. ]

Just make up your mind already! [ He snapped at him. ] Stop waffling back and forth between wanting to fuck me and then not! I don't understand you!

[ He didn't say a word, focused mostly on trying to pick himself up and set himself to rights. But he did manage to get up, albeit with a measure of difficulty before straightening up. There was a soft hiss of... what was it, pain or frustration, (he wasn't sure, really) as he ruffled his hair. ]

M'not sure I understand it meself, to be honest...

[ Another breath. ]

Meant what I said though. About how I feel for you, mind. If I'd bed you though... I'd rather it not be when I've got you in this ruddy mess.

[ Quietly. ]

Believe me.

... [ He shifted, pulling one of the sleeves back up on his shoulder. ]

I don't get it. I don't get any of this.

...Why did you have to get me into your bullshit. [ He hugged himself. ] I don't expect you to understand.

...I don't expect you to understand... how terrible this all makes me feel. [ And he lowered his head. ] ...I'm always just some stand-in... until people figure out what they want. So...

[ He looked up at him. ]

I can't believe anything you say. It's like I said. Words are cheap. And the mouth that they're coming from is filled with garbage. At this point; I don't care if you pick Yukio or not. Because if you do, I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore than I have.

...I should of stuck to what I said, for you to just go away. Instead, again, I was an idiot and let you charm me... [ And he remember what Yukio had said; that he wouldn't be surprised if Ronald had charmed half of heaven by now. Was that it? Was he just one of many? How many others felt this way? How many others had Ron said this to, and here he was on the backburner to some other guy. He reached up, rubbing at his face. ]

It doesn't matter, does it? In the end...

...You'll get someone, you selfish prick.

[ Thankfully he hadn't landed on his shoulder. But those words did hurt to hear more than any . ]

Selfish... yeah.... that's prolly about right.

[ He was selfish though, wasn't he? Thinking he could keep them both. Selfish and childish, thinking he could coast through anything with his charm. Well, this was where his charm got him.

In trouble.

In serious trouble.

But he stayed still, his gaze turned down. What was he doing here? Why was he here in the first place? But he reached up, slipping his glasses off and tucking them into his pocket. They never came off - until now. He felt comfortable enough to, after all. If there was anyone he could be vulnerable around, it was Watanuki. He reached up to rub his eyes briefly with his fingertips and rubbing them harder with the back of his hand when he found his fingers weren't enough. ]

...d'you remember when we first met? Bloody wreck before you came 'round. They'd just left. You were the only one that got me to smile that day. And I thought...

[ a breath. ]

I thought back. I'd found myself wondering what it'd have been like if Yuki was like you.

Didn't feel like I'd always have to impress someone. Didn't feel like I'd have to guess at knowing what he felt. So... I prolly was selfish then. Selfish that I'd allowed someone else in. That I bloody well liked it.

That it felt better'n anything.

[ Watanuki was quiet as he listened to him. He was staring down at the dark red sheets of his bed. It was those kinds of words that confused him. It made his heart ache, not just for him, but for Yukio as well, who seemed as if he had come to terms with how he felt... ]

[ Maybe it was the pot calling the kettle black. He was the God of Compassion, but here he was, being selfish as well. He wanted to be the one Ronald chose. He wanted to be the one he adored. ]

[ And he felt awful for it... but at the same time he was so hopeful... ]

Do you.... [ And he finally raised his head to look up at him. ] Ever wish that... I was like Okumura-san?

[ And there was a shake of his head at that. ]

Never did, sweetheart. You've a charm all your own. Yuki... he's....

[ He let out a breath, his shoulders slumping as he stuffed his hand in his pocket and turned his head up to the ceiling. ]

He's closed off. He ent honest like you. Couldn't tell if he fancied me so I danced around the notion for a moment. Then the minute I kiss him, he runs off. Sounded like a bloody rejection to me.

[ And another laugh, the same bitter one as before. ]

But then there's you. You haven't a limit to you. Weren't afraid to call me out even if I was a reaper. Then you'd snogged me under that tree and I don't bleeding care if we were bladdered off those blasted trees but you snogged me and told me off about it afterward. That ent ever happened before.

[ Again, reaching up to rub his eye. ]

Then we just kept going after that, didn't we? Least you snogged back. And got me to do it again. I hadn't a need to guess with you. It was... easier. I suppose. Could just focus on being with you rather'n trying to read the air all the ruddy time.

[ There was silence for a moment. But, Watanuki took a deep breath, before letting it out in a long, slow exhale. His mismatched eyes stared up at him. ]

Then let me make sure you know how I feel, so you don't have to guess. So it's not in the air, and we both know... so there's no mistaking.

...

I like you. [ He finally answered. He'd never said it outloud, just eluded to it with phrases and metaphors, but to come out and say it was new to him. Even when he had his crush on Himawari, he never told her. And, with Yuuko... he... ] I don't want you to have to guess about it. I like you. A lot.

...I wanted to say it that way if you ever think back on it, there's no doubt in your mind about how I feel. Even when you're doing stupid shit like this, I still care for you. Even thought you've made me cry, I still want you to hold me.

I want you to remember it. Because... because...

[ His fingers clenched the sheets. ]

I want to be the one who said it first. I'm no longer the second guy. Got it? I'm the one that confessed to you first!

[ He let out a breath, the smallest smile as he finally turned around. ]

See... s'what I like about you. Little bits like that.

[ He lightly rubbed his eyes again before approaching the bedside almost reluctantly. There was a small smile as he sat down, near the edge just in case he ended up needing to be shoved off again. He'd heard it before. General affairs, the secretarial pool... but those were easily denied. It was easy for him to tell them otherwise. But this? Well, this was different. ]

Yeah. You're the lad who's confessed to me first. Prolly nothing anyone can take away from you

[ Leaning in, kissing his forehead lightly. Almost as an apology.]

I'll never forget it, at least. M'sorry I made you cry.

...I'm sorry I pushed you off the bed. [ Was the reply, and Watanuki rested his hand on Ron's thigh. He gave it a small squeeze. ] I'm sorry I yelled at you.

...Will you...

Stay the night? You don't... have to, of course, but I just...

...I just want you to be close to me. I want you to hold me.

We're alright then, you and I? M'sorry for throwing you into this madness. C'mere then.

[ And he slipped closer, sliding his arm around his shoulder as he usually did. He was content to hold him like this, his head against the other's hair and just holding him close against him. He let out the smallest breath. Half his mess had been fixed at least... and things were sorted out. But the other half was left.

But he could deal with that later. His soul was tired. As was his heart. For now, he wanted the solace this one offered him.

He pressed a kiss to Watanuki's forehead, burrowing against his hair with a heavy sigh. ]

I'd like to stay, if it's all the same. S'long as you'll let me.